Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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