dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
