If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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