So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
