I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize