no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
