Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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