and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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