I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
The adults are the big ones right?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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