she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
