you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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