You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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