Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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