did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
