There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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