Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
