I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
