This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
