Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
