he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize