my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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