Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Can you repeat that, but with context?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
