so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
