Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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