Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
