We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
