btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
