True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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