Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
