It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Randomize
