I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Randomize
