She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
