did you get engaged???
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
