i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
