you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
