I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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