Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
