I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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