i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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