So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
