No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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