Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
