Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
