Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
