If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
