I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
