i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I need a beard to bite.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
