respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
