Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
