How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
