New low: just hacked my moms facebook
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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