Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize