Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
my liver is dry heaving
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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