I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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