I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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