We named our party play list daddy issues
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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