Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
That's when you crack a 10am beer
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
