I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
