i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
