Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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