that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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