that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Randomize