Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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